Opinion: If Remainers blame Brexit for food shortages, they’ll end up regretting it

Good news and bad news. According to reports, large numbers of bus drivers all over Britain are quitting their jobs so that they can become lorry drivers instead.

The good news is that, in time, shops will no longer have shortages of goods. The bad news is they’ll have shortages of shoppers, instead. Because with no one left to drive buses, we won’t be able to get to the shops any more.

Perhaps the bus companies will raise wages, in order to tempt the ex-bus drivers back. Then the shoppers will be able to return to the shops. Just in time for the shops to run out of goods, now that all the new lorry drivers have gone.

Still, there’s no point worrying about that at the moment. Because something even more peculiar is happening in the here and now. Embarrassed by the gaps on their shelves, supermarket bosses have hit upon an unexpected solution.

You may have seen them in your local supermarket’s fruit and vegetable aisle. In the space where, say, a crate of asparagus should be, there’s a sheet of cardboard, decorated with a picture of lots of asparagus. The pictures are all life-size and eerily realistic, so from a distance it looks as if the aisle is full to bursting with delicious fresh produce.

For whoever is producing these cardboard cut-outs and selling them to supermarkets, it must be a nice little earner. I fear, however, that the idea contains an unfortunate flaw.

The worse the food shortages get, the bigger the market for these cardboard cut-outs will be. But, if there still aren’t enough lorry drivers, supply won’t be able to keep up with demand. The cardboard cut-outs won’t get delivered.

Then the supermarkets won’t just have run out of fresh vegetables. They’ll have run out of fake vegetables, too.

Inevitably, die-hard Remainers are blaming all these shortages on Brexit. No doubt they imagine that, if things go on like this for long enough, one day the public will vote to rejoin the EU. They are, however, forgetting one crucial detail.

Children can’t stand vegetables. So if they’re led to believe that Brexit has caused a shortage of vegetables, they’ll be grateful to Brexit for evermore. When they turn 18, therefore, they certainly won’t vote to rejoin the EU. They’ll vote to stay jolly well out of it.

In effect, then, these shortages are helping to create a whole new generation of Brexiteers. It wouldn’t surprise me if Boris Johnson planned it like this all along.

About the author: Michael Deacon is a columnist for The Telegraph

First published in The Telegraph